Few weeks ago I received my personal copy of “A Hundred little flames” autographed by Preeti Shenoy. It’s a fast paced book and quite enjoyable too (specially the second half of the book where you learn about the life of grandpa through his diary entries). A book on relationship, sacrifices, courage, pure love and comfort. Story of young Ayan who comes to live with his Grandfather, Gopal, to take care of him in a small village in Kerala. Preeti Shenoy has touched the chords of all kinds of relationship and as the story unfolds, true loves shines on.
Some relations we take for granted, specially those who live close to us. Our family.
Parents, siblings, relatives, they are around us all the time, whether we need them or not. Sometimes we have family disputes, we part ways and cousins grow up as strangers. We have discussions, sometime heated arguments, but many times we are back together at the end of the day. Whenever there is celebrations, festivals or an occasion to meet, we get opportunity to rebuild the friendship. Sometimes the bond is created and some times not. But family remains there until lifetime.
With free Watsapp video and phone calls, the bond has become even stronger. The distances don’t separate us any more. Whom ever we remember, they are just a phone call away. I feel blessed to be connected to my family- aunts, uncles, niece, nephews, cousins. We have family groups, cousins groups, close friends groups, it keeps the conversations going, and the news is updated regularly in-between 'Goodmorning' , 'greetings' and forward messages. Since my family is scattered all around the world, its fun travelling and visiting them. We have our favourites, we plan vacations together and meet regularly in some or other part of the world.
Friends on other hand, last only as long as the bond is strong.
A mild misunderstanding, or temporary separation and the relationship fades away. I have been fortunate to develop close relationship with many friends. Some have lasted lifetime, many have parted ways. When I meet them after many years, I cannot remember their name. Its very embarrassing. I am short of conversation. Where do I begin the dialogue? How freely can I ask about their private life. I don’t wish to be nosy but still I want to know the details of the missing years. Where does that love disappear? How have their priorities changed? Where do we draw a line? I have short memory, what is past is best forgotten. I only enjoy the present moment.
The same kind of relationship cannot be built with same person after a gap of many years. Or can they??
You can never control whom you fall in love with. Be it man or woman, love just happens. We don’t fall in love with people because they are fun, pretty, influential, it just happens.
Relationship that is based on give-and-take is always short lived. Expectations are large and disappointments even larger. We can give love but cannot expect the people to love us back. love can only be earned, it cannot be forced. I have realised that I don't have to change to make people like me. Love is built on respect, adjustment and selflessness, where the comfort level is high. I just have to be myself and people must love the real me. Silence and anger is never a solution, ego built up , ruins relationship. Communication is important. If we have spirit of understanding everything in positive way, there will never be any level of pressure.
Greatest pain is when death do us apart -be it a close friend or a family member. You feel the void, the emptiness. We try to evaluate whether we could have been a little bit more kind, more adjusting, more caring, but then its too late.
As we age, we will see more separations from our loved ones. The older we get, the more lonely we will get. We can built relationship with younger people half our age, but it will never be the same.
Life will go on. Time does not stop for anybody. Tomorrow will be another day….